Low-budget Lifestyle Warrior Gifts

"You look perfectly suited for managing on the pittance of a salary that goes with the job!"

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

"I'm on a tight budget. Make it look like I cut at myself."

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

"It was rated on all the travel websites. 'Best economy tour'."

Fast Food Dieter

'Our new simplified energy bills just have a few options starting with 'Grossly inflated' and progressing to the premium 'Bloodsucker' package. . .'

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

"It's only until the gas prices go down and I can afford to drive the car again. Maybe you should have an ambulance follow me."

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

'I said we've got to lift up our numbers! I did not say to turn a loss of 150.000,- into a loss of 280.000,-!!'

'The operation we want you to do is to remove 25 from our budgets.'

"There's no getting away from the numbers....only by forgetting holidays, giving up drink, the cinema, meals out and socialising...will we be able to afford any quality of life when we retire."

'Look at it this way. The Dow gained 20% or more in the last three years. That's good. You gained 20 pounds or more in the last three years. That's bad.'

"Yes dear. But, I don't think you're actually supposed to dispose of your disposable income."

The Jerck Manual

Take one Per Day as Affordable.

'The other foot also Mrs Zipsky!'

'Of course, that bid's just an estimate.'

'He eats his yogurt and carrot sticks out of a grease-stained brown bag to preserve his macho image.'

"I feel that just as as I think I can make ends meet, someone moves the ends!"

'I want to eat healthy food, but it takes green to eat green.'

'It says take all your medication,if you can afford it.'

Cow and Pig see 'Staff' logo reflected and read it as 'Fats'.

'You never see one that says save some income.'

'At these prices I won't be able to say much!'

Generation Rend. Young man rending his garments in anguish at extortionate rents.

I'm sick and tired of this low carb diet.

'Of course I'm on a strict diet, doc! I eat vegetarian animals only!'

'You can have the cherry...I'm on a diet.'

'I asked my doc for a diet plan and it works great - thanks to his usurious bills, I can't afford a car or taxis and that's why I'm losing weight by walking!'

"Phil suddenly decided to give up everything that was bad for him-no more smoking, drinking, or junk food-and he feels absolutely terrific!"

'We only want small portions. I'm counting my calories and he's counting his pennies.'