Loves The Strange T-Shirts

"The doctors...say...they've never...seen...another case quite...like...it."

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

"Now you can send it."

Somewhere in France - The Eliot sisters come face to face with escargots.

ESP pizza: You'll get it before you order it or it's free!

Baseball.

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

Operation.

"Wallace couldn't come, but I brought some of his fussy prose."

"What a way to go."

UFO and snowman

'Did anyone hand in a mature stilton last week?'

Salome on Settle (also called Maitresse d'Orchestre) - intended for book but suppressed

'Bad as this may look, it's actually the perfect accompaniment with your entree.'

"Let us recall the parable of Jesus turning the other tentacle."

"'Let's introduce him to a mirror' he said. 'It'll be fun he said'. You call the coroner!"

Route 666.

'Ok, now if everyone could just hold still.'

Trapeze artists commuting

A patient, a doctor and a deep sea diver

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

"I was going to call you but I remembered I left some empty oxygen canisters on Mt. Everest."

'You're too fussy - the coffee isn't THAT bad!'

Albert should have known that cactuses rarely have change. Besides, they prefer jazz.

'Man, this elevator goes on forever...'

'Sorry Ma'am, but I only do palm-readings...'

Man in a desert looks up to see a sand timer sprinkling sand below.

"No. Have to say we don't get many tourists around here!"

After his 'Activity Weekend' Uncle Reg was a changed man.

"Instead of careful interpretation of the prose, maybe try pronouncing even the most basic words like an insane person?"

A Heated Argument

Having heard good things about it, Carlos decides to try the Phlegmish School of painting.

A deceitful photographer shows his doctored photos to an editor trying to deceive him...