Loves The Strange T-Shirts

"The doctors...say...they've never...seen...another case quite...like...it."

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

"Now you can send it."

Somewhere in France - The Eliot sisters come face to face with escargots.

ESP pizza: You'll get it before you order it or it's free!

"What a way to go."

"Wallace couldn't come, but I brought some of his fussy prose."

UFO and snowman

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

Baseball.

Operation.

'Did anyone hand in a mature stilton last week?'

'Bad as this may look, it's actually the perfect accompaniment with your entree.'

Route 666.

"'Let's introduce him to a mirror' he said. 'It'll be fun he said'. You call the coroner!"

"Let us recall the parable of Jesus turning the other tentacle."

Salome on Settle (also called Maitresse d'Orchestre) - intended for book but suppressed

'Ok, now if everyone could just hold still.'

Trapeze artists commuting

A patient, a doctor and a deep sea diver

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

Albert should have known that cactuses rarely have change. Besides, they prefer jazz.

"I was going to call you but I remembered I left some empty oxygen canisters on Mt. Everest."

'You're too fussy - the coffee isn't THAT bad!'

Man in a desert looks up to see a sand timer sprinkling sand below.

"No. Have to say we don't get many tourists around here!"

After his 'Activity Weekend' Uncle Reg was a changed man.

Having heard good things about it, Carlos decides to try the Phlegmish School of painting.

'Man, this elevator goes on forever...'

'Sorry Ma'am, but I only do palm-readings...'

A deceitful photographer shows his doctored photos to an editor trying to deceive him...

"Instead of careful interpretation of the prose, maybe try pronouncing even the most basic words like an insane person?"