Lovers Of Therapeutic Satire Gifts

"This is not going to help my Messianic complex, doctor."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

Beckett for Beginners: "Waiting for Thumbkin"

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

Government Offices / In tray, No Exit tray.

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

"I feel your pain level."

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

Jack in the box on strike.

Bureaucracy gone mad!

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

'Don't worry. We still have a few more treatment options available.'

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'

"Teach me not to care."

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

"Your test results are perfect and there is nothing wrong with you. We will operate on you for it tomorrow."

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

The Modern Damocles -

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'