Lover Of Office Antics Pillows

"That's the shredder. Attach all sensitive paperwork to any piece of office furniture."

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'Should be home soon. I'm just clearing away the usual paperwork.'

"Shankar, I needed someone to dot the 'I's' and cross the 'T's' but that was before there was ChatGPT."

"What's your occupation?"

"Why, if it isn't Henshaw caught in the Overtime Warp again."

"Okay, like, the good news is we can pay Paul. The bad news is we gotta rob Peter."

"He worked his way up from the mail room...from licking stamps to kissing butt."

Office Competitions

"We're restructuring - Wednesday moves to Friday, Tuesday becomes Wednesday, Monday stays where it is and Thursday and Friday will be merged with the weekend."

"Your wife's on the phone...."

Ordnance: 'explode...implode'.

"It's the terrifying story of a publisher brutally murdered by an author who had his book rejected."

That's a great suggestion, Harris, unfortunately I'm not open to suggestions right now.

'Well, that's a helluva great business plan... What have you done before you founded a management consultancy, Mr... umh... Smith?'

Secretary

"I hope your day is going bad."

"He seized the day again. Now how do we get it back?"

Out and In.

'I told him that I was leaving...that I couldn't put up with the endless stream of meaningless paperwork, the mind and morale sapping mountain of procedures and protocols!'

'Hello? IT? Yes, there's been a breach in security and I'm concerned about unauthorised access to my personal details.'

"Every time he elbow bumps me, he hits my funny bone on purpose."

"Apropos your request for a salary increase, we're going to have you appraised."

Toilet Tissue Typist.

"There are mysteries up here on the 13th floor. Like who keeps locking the exit door? Why is that clock always 12 minutes fast? And who actually eats the liverwurst sandwiches from that machine?"

"Don't forget to torch the place when you leave."

"Phelps, I hope I'm not insulting you when I say you're an incompetent nincompoop."

You're getting that office with windows you've always wanted - you'll be working from your car in the parking lot with a laptop.

"A word of advice. . . next time you use the firm's intranet to send a message of undying love. Don't press 'send all'."

Junk Bonds - In and Out trays.

"Al's a little careless, but he is our best salesman."

"Gotta admit, the new guy's more fun than Ted was."

"When Human Resources said that we needed a more diverse workforce I'm not sure THAT'S what they meant!"

'Better call me Sir in the office dear - I don't want the staff to know that I send my wife out to work...'

'That looks like an unauthorized ride on the mail cart.'