Lover Of Conversation Pillows

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

"Could I ask just one question?"

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

"Don't make me warn you again, monkey. Stay outa the curiosity racket."

"Who knew we had so many dislikes in common?"

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

Protest

" I'm sorry. I was so busy listening to myself talk that I forgot what I was saying."

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

LATE NIGHT WITH DAVID MAMET

"At least you don’t need a wetsuit."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"I should warn you that many of John's thoughts are subliminal."

'I see an applicant being hired!'

"I find it disturbing when you breathe through your nose."

"I'm just so relieved! I thought you didn't love me anymore, but now I realize I was just projecting!!"

"He's Right Behind Me, Isn't He?"

Attention Span Man

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

Big Talk/Small Talk.

"I don't like the tone of your voice. Mind if I tweak it a bit?"

'What do you mean I've wolfed that down? You've never stopped nattering!'

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

'Did you get through to the speaking clock, Dear?' 'Tick and tock and tick and tock and tick...'

"What on earth do they find to talk about?"

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

Papa, how come Rudolph has a red nose? Because he's a drunk, son. Plain and simple.

Bar Therapy

"The Doctor is just wonderful!! He listens to all my irrelevant, boring stories!"

"I worry about every little thing. Barry's more of a generalist."