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The Poet

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"How about we write a song combining Brexit with unrequited love?"

'Anorak anoraks'.

Replacement Bus Spotters.

"Your editor called again to see if the well was still dry."

I'm currently working on my autobiography. Would you care to help make page 327 interesting?

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

"Where do you get your derivative ideas?"

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

'After three years of writer's block, I began writing about writer's block.'

Will Self deprecation

'I've worked out that all you need for a summer blockbuster is...'

Now that I've written the book, could you put in a good word with the sales team's muse?

'Are you sure this is the only way to get rid of your writers block?'

Musical Prodigy

'I have a case of...oh, heck. What's that called?'

Anna Burns

Writer’s Corner

Screenwriters, Inc. Send this revised script to Rupert Murdoch! Right! I'll fax the fix to Fox!

"Is this the wobbly table? I'll put my screenplay under this leg."

"This is a selection from my novel about a writers' group that has one real writer and five wanna-be b*****s."

Writer's Block

"It's the worst case of writer's block Sidney has ever had. He hasn't put a word on the page since fifth grade!"

'Dammit, Bubbles, we need this memoir yesterday - write, damn you!'

School of Music. If you need perseverance to be a musician, what's all this I hear about unfinished symphonies?

A pen spewing letters

Recycling Station: Manuscripts.

"It took me 4 years to finish my book!"

"Careful - it's full of lies."

Must be old-timers – You don't see cursive anymore.

"Please stop signing your monitor's screen. There is a proper way to sign a document someone emails you."