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The Poet

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"How about we write a song combining Brexit with unrequited love?"

'Anorak anoraks'.

Replacement Bus Spotters.

"Your editor called again to see if the well was still dry."

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

"Where do you get your derivative ideas?"

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

'After three years of writer's block, I began writing about writer's block.'

Will Self deprecation

'I've worked out that all you need for a summer blockbuster is...'

'Are you sure this is the only way to get rid of your writers block?'

Musical Prodigy

Writer’s Corner

'I have a case of...oh, heck. What's that called?'

"Is this the wobbly table? I'll put my screenplay under this leg."

"This is a selection from my novel about a writers' group that has one real writer and five wanna-be b*****s."

Writer's Block

'Dammit, Bubbles, we need this memoir yesterday - write, damn you!'

"It's the worst case of writer's block Sidney has ever had. He hasn't put a word on the page since fifth grade!"

A pen spewing letters

Recycling Station: Manuscripts.

"Careful - it's full of lies."

"It took me 4 years to finish my book!"

Kate Atkinson

"Please stop signing your monitor's screen. There is a proper way to sign a document someone emails you."