Love Debater Pillows

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

"The weird thing is, this all started when we argued about who loved who most!"

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"You're fired."

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

Vote Centrist to Keep Things Exactly as Awful as They Are

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

Scarcity

What's normal?

Dialogue

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

The economy.

"The best part is that we got hell to pay for it."

Changing Minds

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Our Two Parties, Explained

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

We need a Europe of U-turns.

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

"Now that's a win."

Here's the Weird Anti-Terrorist Trash Talk That Stayed on Donald Trump's Cutting Room Floor After the Manchester Attack

'Good evening! The debate over animal experiments continues...'

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

Roe v. Wade

Lord George brings news of the debate

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

Armageddon

"The president says there isn't a flood. What's the harm in humoring him?" "Hey! Would somebody pull Lindsey up for air?"

Unanimous voting.

Protest

'With these video-phones, there's just too much documentation on all my promises.'