Lottery Official Pillows

"Where's the NHS money coming from? Well, I've decided that we will invest £10,000 a week into Euro lottery tickets..."

Ace's Dealers school: 'Your lottery $ for education at work!'

Here are today's numbers: debris removed from lower Manhattan...

'At least someone can afford to travel by train.'

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

Bribes for Jabs

"Life's a lottery - That's why you need balls"

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

"Well, it's been nice. And obviously the £10 million win hasn't change you. . . . A mug of tea an' a couple garibaldies - as tight as ever!"

'Joe has been partying hard!'

Why do you hate the media?

Vote: Have your photo ID ready!

'Do you have one with the number 401k? under the law averages, it's bound to be winner.'

'Floppo' lottery rebranding

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

'I'm sorry, Bob, it wasn't you who won the mega-pool. It was Helen in accounting.' (to man mooning boss).

Highlights for Adults

"Have you been scratching this?"

Lottery - come back to eat here 20 times and you will win million dollar in lottery.

'Having the money tree has really helped out.'

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

"What lucky stranger's hitting the jackpot tonight?"

"It's lotto fever."

'Congratulations! You've just won ten million dollars!'

Eurozone leaders reach consensus. . .

EU Polling Station

Snacks. Food. Drinks. Win! Play! LOTTO here! I changed my name to "Lottery Ticket" and hang out here. It's a great place to get scratched!

'I know I was just here yesterday, but the courts ordered a recount.'

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

'This should be good. He just won the lottery!'

"In light of current market conditions, I've diversified your portfolio to include Lotto tickets and bingo chips."

Happy Meals for Grown Ups

"Oh boy! I've won the- "