Lost-and-found Legend Gifts

"Class, welcome back Sean ... who, you may recall, was lost for eight days in Home Depot."

"Yes, I said bring me the king. . .But not that king."

Another Bigfoot sighting...

Warrior Woman

"... and the sales call was coming from inside the house!"

"You know the stories about putting a pair of socks into the washing machine and getting out just one of them...Jones, it seems that we found the hideaway of the second socks!"

The search for Bigfoot continues for a group of women who know that if his feet are THAT big...

"We need rain."

"...it's another metal detector."

"You're about to learn what New York hot dogs are made from."

"He's writing a novel for the first time in decades. It has less to do with the urge to create or say something new, and more to do with the fact that all his previous books are now out of print."

"Be or be not. There is no question."

Suburban Legend

Ted Hughes

"Look, we're three thousand years old. No one's going to hire us."

Thanksgiving: The holiday where aluminum foil is king!

"Okay, if it hits the wall it's a triple, and if it goes through Mr. Baker's window, that's a home run."

'I thought I heard a twig snap.'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

Noah of the sock world...

"Wingtips--this is a white collar gang."

"Oh him, that's Ron. He's a permanent fixture in here."

'Sire, they are starting to call you Edward the Confessor.'

"They call you Abominable and me a monster, and they don't even know us."

Leon Uris.

Urban legend museum? I think it's around here somewhere, but I've never actually seen it.

"This is probably the most mature, astute novel of the last half century that I've just finished. Me want ice cream."

"I don't care what your friends say! This "nine lives" business is just an urban legend: think safety first!"

A Guide to Mustaches

'There's a cake in the Drs. lounge. Happy 5,000th surgery!'

'Ollie, it's me! Some rich guy repeated one of my cockamamy tales and I sued him for intellectual property theft.'

Monday. Restaurant. Daily special. Steak. Tuesday. Hamburger. Wednesday. Homestyle meatloaf. Thursday. I know this is your favorite restaurant, and I guess it's okay to eat here again today ... but tomorrow we'll probably need to find someplace else to eat! Daily special. Cream of meatloaf soup.

Cow falls from the sky and lands on a car.

Giant reptile mounts devoured cities on plaques.

"I've been sitting way too close to the television."