Loss Prevention Specialist Pillows

'We've been robbed!'

'Lady, your 'just browsing' is costing me 23 security cameras and 3 floor detectives.'

You're letting this security thing go to your head.

You think you're good, eh? Okay, you've got the lost and found windo at the Kleptomaniac's Convention.

Security.

'I think I know what the problem is!'

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

"I know. I miss him, too."

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

Broken Heart

Pick one: ounce of prevention or pound of cure.

'The good news is that our latest diet products work fabulously well. The bad news is that we haven't got any customers any more!'

"He had a full two weeks."

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

''On behalf of my colleagues I wanted to let you know that we are all crying inside.''

"Well we COULD tell people to eat less and exercise more, but where's the money in that?"

Pickles the Clown: Son of Bonzo and Gwen. A Pro to the End.

"You've suffered a loss and you need time to grieve, also, tomorrow the market may turn around."

"Your husband died from medical malpractice, but it may comfort you to know that brain surgery is always risky...even when the doctor doesn't have a hangover."

A grave with an array of beauty products

"He was the finest bluesman I knew..."

"What we really need is a long term quick fix."

'So Mr. Smith. . . how exactly are you 'uniquely talented' in the field of shoplifting prevention?'

"Your mother says to quit bringing laundry over. She's dead."

'Frankly, Charles, I'm having a hard time handling our investments'.

"Don't worry, dear, we'll find your wedding ring."

Greeting cards: Get Well, Sympathy, Pity.

'We're sorry for your loss. but it must be a consolation to know that his death didn't effect our targets.'

Dead Workaholic

"I feel like we're drifting apart."

'I'm very proud of what he achieved during his life.'

Flight attendant looking out a lighted window.

"Hey, don't I get a receipt?"

'Sir, wait! You can't go yet! The register hasn't finished spitting out all your valuable coupons.'