Looking For A New Partner Pillows

"What do you think of my new ad? Looking for long walks on the beach, candlelight dinners, lots of cuddling, not a sports person." "So you're looking for a woman?"

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

'Single math professor in search of an intelligent woman. Send an example of your favorite equation.'

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

'I should warn you about my father. He's a landscape gardener.'

"Don't worry, princess, I'm sure one day your Mr. Divine Right will come along."

Sculptor making a statue to hug.

"Can you tell me the story again about how you swiped right on Dad?"

Take You Home

'You never kiss me like that.'

'At first his nose ring irritated me, but then I made him tie a string to it. Now I can lead him around.'

"It's amazing. We've just met, but I feel like we've known each other since we were kids, became high school sweethearts, got married too young, had a bunch of brats, went through a messy divorce, reconciled, remarried each other, and are now back together after all these years."

'I'm not sure I want to see you again, but just in case, I've backed you up on a flash drive.'

'Oh, we've met. We were once married to one another.'

'Santa ! Bring my Baby Back!' - 'You didn't tell me she was hot!'

'It's our first date. You don't know me well enough to ask if I'm getting enough fiber.'

'...And preferably someone with a blood donor card.'

"We met online, it was love at first site."

"The full partner look."

"But he's no longer with us."

"I want to get rich while you're still beautiful."

'It will never work. She's touchy-feely, and he is just touchy.'

'Here we've both been, breaking our necks to meet the right person, and BAM!'

"It's not you, Glen—it's your ex-wife. She's behind me, isn't she?"

Mum, Dad, I've met something...

Computer dating.

"I've found someone else who thinks I'm really attractive."

"We met over the holidays."

"I'm leaving you, Scott. You're too clingy."

'Actually I'm looking for a less meaningful relationship. I didn't understand the last one!'

"Guess who's in love?"

"Congratulations. I just need your initials here."

"Is there a doctor in the house...hopefully unmarried?"

'You CAN change a man, but then they divorce you, remarry and the new wife reaps all the benefits.'

"Height has nothing to do with it, Arnie. I just can't imagine myself with a man who doesn't know the broche for hors d'euvres."