Longevity Contemplator Pillows

'The one thing you have got going for you is there's no family history of longevity.'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"1971... 2015..."

"Son when I'm gone, all this will be yours!"

'What I especially like about being a philosopher-scientist is that I don't have to get my hands dirty.'

"See, the problem with doing things to prolong your life is that all the extra years come at the end, when you're old."

'It looks like our time is up.'

'At last you can put your feet up and concentrate on worrying about your pension.'

Dr. Ernie answers your questions about aging. A reader asks, "Dear Dr. Ernie, what will deteriorate fastest as I get older?" Medicare.

Money isn't everything, but then, what is?

'You don't want to go to hell, J.B. In hell, the market is always down.'

'He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, who cares...'

'What did we do before green tea?'

'Is $8.5 million really worth all this?'

"Oh, to be a Mayfly."

Today is the first day of the rest of my life, Axel. Is that the good news or the bad news?

If fifty is the new seventy, when is the new dead?

"Yes, even with all the progress they're making in geriatrics, marriage is still 'til death do you part."

Alcohol 'Nector of the Gods' 'Devils Brew!'

We only go around once

'But Mabel, I distinctly remember that the vicar said 'till death us do part...''

"I do want to be healthy but not so healthy that I miss out on my unhealthy eating habits."

Is there anything worse than the aging process? The thing that comes after the aging process.

The Guy Who Mixed Up His To-Do List And His Bucket List

"Yeah, you're right, these can cause long term health issues. But trust me, for you that's not gonna be a problem."

Death is just a side-effect of living.

'I live in quiet desperation - it was either that or Tunbridge Wells.'

The miracle of death

"He always said he was going to take it with him."

"If I were a dog I'd only be nine years old."

Really? A date with me is like a religious experience? How so? It reminds me of snake-handling.

"Race ya ..."

Farmer cutting wheat encounters the Grim Reaper

"If you lose any more money you'll go from "eccentric" to "crazy"'.