Locum Staff Gifts

'We'd love to pay staff more, but there's just no money! But you've got dozens of empty posts, why can't you use the money saved to pay better rates?'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Mario Draghi

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

Multi-tasking.

'These are job perks.'

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

Busy office.

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

Brainstorm in progress.

The role of administration.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

'Look Jefferson, much as I respect your emphasis of the informal approach...'

Academic Jeopardy - "The great unknowns and cosmic uncertainties of the universe are reduced by this number daily."

'Brains...brains...brains...'

Sales.

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

We're transferring you to company headquarters so you can kiss company hindquarters.

Rodin's Cloakroom Thief

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'