Locks T-Shirts

'Sorry, I can't help your friend with lockjaw.'

'I think we've found your problem. It's a Yale lock, but you have a Harvard key.'

'Brush your key's teeth before you go to bed. Grind your keys, and the world grinds with you. Stick a key in your pillow for good luck ...'

The Anti-Agent

UK border controls relaxed.

High security Santa's grotto

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"I'm not sure if we're named after passwords or vice versa."

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

"He's a guard dog."

'Go ahead and laugh, but I lose my keys less frequently than you do.'

"I see you've security marked your property."

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

'Nobody ever before had took much notice of Granny's homemade flour-sack bloomers.'

"Sir, you're not on the list - we've checked it twice."

The Scanner Of Love.

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

"Beware of Don"

''Junk Yard Dog' just sounds so much cooler.'

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles -- we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts'

Scarecrows guarding a field

Moulin Rouge Security

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

A Little Extra

Death to the Extremists

Well, you and I know it's our home, but our 'smart home' doesn't know it's our home

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

The Best Defense

Mou...Man trap!

"We've been cancelled."

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go, Richter. The crime rate has dropped.'