Locker Rooms Gifts

Women after 10 minutes vs men after 10 years.

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, despite how bad it's going to screw you?"

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

"I locked the key in the trunk."

When placed in the hands of the right person on a long vacation, even egg salad could be a deadly weapon.

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

"Apparently, you have very little respect for our judicial system, sauntering in here with only one lawyer."

"This jury may not be swayed by any defense that relies on emotion."

The locker room door suddenly swings open, and Randy is busted by a steroid-sniffing dog.

Two lawyers in a royal court

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

You may go free, to worry about tax and the economy like the rest of us.

The evangelist turned lawyer's opening arguments were unconvincing

'Your Honor, we can't hear this witness's prevarications... would you please instruct him to lie into the microphone?'

'We've got a personal hygiene foul! Number 70!... Fifteen yards!!'

"Do I have to answer that? I wanted to sell all this stuff to the tabloids!"

'I'm worried since he was chosen jury foreman.'

"Okay, there's one thing I like about school starting. I have a girlfriend this year."

Hermes, Process Server Of The Gods

“This daily metamorphosis never fails to amaze me. Around the house, I’m a perfect idiot. I come to court, futon a black robe, and, by God, I’m it!”

'Same tragic story...A disgruntled athletic trainer burst into the locker room and starts taping players at random...'

'My client did shoplift, Your Honor, but I'd like to point out that an 'Everything Must Go' sign was prominently displayed!'

'Down, Boy!...that is, overruled.'

"When he left, he took all his things, including his name on the door."

"This is Rob Dolan on a recorded line, anything you say may be held against you in a court of law."

"My client demands a jury trial."

"You're goin' up the river, Sammy."

"Your Honor, Mr. Jones is a waiter and claims he thought the $75,000 in stolen bank funds were left for a tip."