Local News Critic Prints

"I don't like the news. It's like they know what scares me."

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

Trump Poutine

Rumors, lies and innuendo.

"What kind of politician would I be if I didn't politicize this crisis?"

"Political cartoons that make people think? Are you crazy? We don't want to distract our readers from the weather forecast, the horoscope and the advertisements!"

"Whether we refer to them as lakes or ponds, it's mere semantics."

Flake News

"Ah, you'll be wanting our red tape department, third door on the left!"

"We've been campaigning for years to encourage central government to delegate more powers to local authorities..."

"Three years running 'fake news' websites? You're just what we're looking for!"

'If they're so darn 'fair and balance,' why are all the reporters people?'

"They're spelt differently!"

"Tell me again. Is this guy the newsman or the newsmaker?"

Lose the Iraq War.

Fake News, 50 cents.

LEV Trump

"Let him who is without 'spin' cast the first stone."

Up-to-the-minute reporting from our man on the street.

"To be perfectly frank, the preceding was a paid political bunch of lies."

'And now a look at tomorrow's front pages - the Telegraph leads with 'ultimate makeover guide', while the Mail has 'a fantastic new you'...'

It isn't just the media that's biased...often the voters are too.

'Not only is it full of bad news - it's printed on your mother.'

"None of this news seems 'fit to print' to me!"

"And in local news, somebody pooped on the Jenkins' lawn again."

"The news you are about to see is fictitious and is shown merely for its sensational content."