Local News Reader Prints

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

Men on escalators reading newspapers, shares are going up on the up escalator and down on the down escalator.

Flake News

"Boss, remember when you told me to start charging Sadie 'studio fees' for operating her radio show in the cafe?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news." "What's the good?" "She's agreed not to resort to violence." "I see. And the bad news?" "On today's 'Sadie Cohen Radio Show': Evil cafe owners who may or may not poison their customers."

"We've been campaigning for years to encourage central government to delegate more powers to local authorities..."

'It's our latest line-suits for t.v announcers'

'Nothing's happened today-read it dead slowly.'

"Someday a real rain will come and wash all the scum off the street. But today, expect occasional sprinkles."

Up-to-the-minute reporting from our man on the street.

"And in local news, somebody pooped on the Jenkins' lawn again."

The Original Information Superhighway

"And, in suburban news, construction of the new, attached four-season solarium at 6870 Evercrest Drive continued amid the silent, seething envy of the neighbors."

"The network's infotainment division thinks you should open with a song."

'I got a video broadcasting degree with a minor in news reading and a major in perky.'

'ANCHOR doesn't mean you drag the whole network!'

So much to be cross about, so little time.

"This is Ritz Rose, substituting for the vastly over rated Ed Yomp..."

"Oooh, let's take our books over there."

"God heavens! My shares are listed on the cartoon page"

Woman over garden fence: 'I've invented some new gossip I'd like circulating.'

"People worry that there aren't any journalists to cover local issues anymore. But I reckon that's just another example of fake news."

"George - we don't have an opposing point of view!"

"City officials have cited erectile dysfunction as the cause for the building's collapse. And, on that note, I think I will now tender my resignation."

'And finally, I'm gay'

"I don't like the news. It's like they know what scares me."

'Hey folks, do me a favour, come closer and read the news yourself while I'm out to meet my new girlfriend, okay?'

'Guess who's got his picture in the paper.'

'So how long have you known about Dad and Victoria, Kate? Aaarrgh!! Why am I always the last to know about anything around here.'