Local Gossip Enthusiast Pillows

"Is that Penny I smell? It's been so long... Hold on, is this Dougie? No way! That crazy mongrel, he is nuts! I remember that time he chased those kids on skateboards all the way down Cliff Street. Wait, is this Rosie?!"

'...and now the weather.'

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

'She's so put together!'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

A little bird told me...

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

Every morning the office gossip was cascaded down...

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

Hollywood Breakup

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

'Vanity, thy name is Maple.'

While you were out... the whole office talked about you.

"He's only an associate but he's already reaping at a partner's level."

"It was the unsubstantiated rumours that attracted me to you in the first place."

'I'm here for 10 years and I don't have a clue about what this company is doing. I'm here just because of the gossip!'

"Well, at first I didn't like him. But then his creepiness just grew on me."

Morgue - "Welcome to 'Celebrity Autopsy'"

"Remind me - if I'm no longer a footballer, and you're no longer a celebrity. . . why are we here?"

"He's a real throwback. He does all his own publicity stunts."

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

"I know this is just my humble opinion, but it's backed by the most comprehensive rumor, gossip and speculation this office can provide!"

"We've been campaigning for years to encourage central government to delegate more powers to local authorities..."

"With Harry all options are on the table, including pointlessly looking for a job that doesn't exist for him anymore."

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

Complaints clerk to consumer: A hair in your TV dinner? Maybe it belongs to a celebrity!

Sammi and her 'partner' decide to have their child baptized at a Suuuuper-inclusive church

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'Have you heard the news about Susan in logistics?...'

'Forget about me - what can you tell me about the new CEO coming on board?'

'Washington has wooden teeth? -- how did you find that out?', 'It came out in conversation.'