Local Affairs Aficionado Gifts

"We've been campaigning for years to encourage central government to delegate more powers to local authorities..."

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

Turkish Democracy

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

Matryoshka/ Russian Gas Cylinders

"As I see it, 'Crazy politics' - like not voting on a supreme court nominee - is better than a complete government shutdown."

Armageddon

'What I have to do first?!'

Scapegoat of the Year

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

Office of the Special Investigator: Stepped out to follow the 'money trail'.

Classic News.

'I suppose that's where things get ironed out.'

"Hey... friends and allies can trust the USA!"

There will be no economics report...our economics reporter got caught in the tech carnage...

"You scratch my back, I'll scratch your is just a figure of speech, Ned. A little left, and higher."

Think tanks.

"Whether we refer to them as lakes or ponds, it's mere semantics."

'Our next 'cake walk' in the Middle East... will turn out to be a 'pie in the face.''

The Truth

"Congratulations. I'm promoting you from 'Yes Man' to 'Vice President in Charge of Affirmation.'"

Bigot Spigot

"That was Brad with the Democratic weather. Now here's Tammy with the Republican weather."

"Ah, you'll be wanting our red tape department, third door on the left!"

Buy a politician.

"Today's robe is called 'Ukraine'. How do you like it?"

'I'm afraid of being left behind.'

'The Sadly Insanes do Baghdad.'