Loan Restructuring Gifts

'A bit gritty about the collar, but hey, what the heck, I'll take it!'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

Voice coming from wooden horse: 'Quiet Fanshaw! If this hostile take-over bid is going to work we've got to get right inside the boardroom.'

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

'We divested ourselves of a division here, a subsidiary there, a branch here, an affiliate there...there's nothing left!'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

"What we didn't have but obviously needed was an alarmist."

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

'I thought people were quite receptive to the change seminar.'

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

'This is what happens when we give up our resistance to change.'

"If I'm such a poor risk, how did I get so deep into debt?"

'Can you loan me *** till pay day?'

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

New Memer/Incumbent

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

'Well, I'll say this: when the new boss came on board, it was a real game-changer for all of us!'

"Jim, say hi to Tom, our severance consultant."

'Our company has hit an icebery and is sinking fast. Of course, it's all very symbolic.'

'Stop complaining and be thankful we found a place for you in the restructuring!'

'Your mortgage is under water...so what's the problem?'

'All those who think change is good, say aye...'

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'

"Reduced budgets are a challenge...Rather than just talk you through it we'd like to give you a practical demonstration of how to 'maximise' resources from limited resources."

"Our profits have been out-sourced ."

"Actually, this is where there was a slight earth tremor."

'This book says there's a point where downsizing your management staff becomes 'dumbsizing.''