Living Room Enthusiast Pillows

A child with his mother and a doctor.

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

"I didn't spark joy."

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

Walking a dog on a treadmill.

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

"You're welcome."

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

'I'm not sure which I like best - the fake fire or the fake man with brandy glass in front of it.'

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

"If it's got my ass on it, it's befitting of royalty."

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

James decided to stay in that night.

'Welcome to the house warming! The map points out what is furniture and what is sculpture.'

"Hedge-fund managers have to have something over their sofas, too."

"The artist-in-residence is struggling a bit, but other than that we're fine."

Posh Easter Egg

Unknowingly, with one swish of his blood soaked mammoth tail he was inflicting pain and suffering on billions of unborn people. Home decorating had been invented.

'Ooh, hey...real hardwood floors!'

"I'm ready to go whenever you're through fussing with tablescapes."

"We want it to look lived in, but not necessarily by us."

'Oh, honey, what a lovely house... We'll place the couch here, the cupboard there and my psychiatrist right here!'

"Dave, we need to talk about office props and work productivity."

"Hey, take me home with you! Position me at a slight angle next to the elegant glass soap dispenser in the guest bathroom. It'll look great, you'll see!"

Estate Agent - This house that's 'just what we are looking for' is ours

"You like it? It’s from the MoMA Store!"

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

"The board is going to have to talk to 5-G again."

King Madras

"That Feng Shui class I took is paying off!"

"Okay, lady, your new carpet is installed...you can let your dog back in now."

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."