Living Alone Gifts

"I'd love to, but I have a million lonely ritualistic things I need to do."

"Thanks, but I already have my 'support bubble' right here."

"I feel icky...oh, so icky"

Desert Island Zoom Support Group.

Thanksgiving 2020

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

'How animals mark their territory'

Culinary Breakthroughs During Social Distancing

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

Life is for the birds.

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

Still searching for my Prince Charming.

"Yes, I'm alone."

"He says he's not running away. . . he's just going off the grid."

"So that's where you were last night."

'Mr. Fitzburger, didn't we agree on a no-pets-in-the-apartment policy?!!'

Desert Planet

"Do you know what girls want?"

"I had guys chase my tail, then one day I thought, hey, dummy, get rid of the middlemen and chase your own tail!"

When did this date go down the toilet? I assumed when you went to the men's room that you dropped it there.

'On the contrary, soap operas are a great time-saver -- you don't have to get married and have your OWN problems.'

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

'Are you seeing anybody?'

"Do you think solitude drives you insane?"

"Being a refrigerator magnet is fine, but I wish, for just one day, I could be a chick magnet."

'Complements of the big smelly gentleman.'

I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy. Which part do you miss most? Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what tv shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission? Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors.

'We fed your application in, and the computer started leaking slime.'

"Living underground is not what it used to be."

'As a bachelor I have to wash my own clothes, clean my own room. The do it all again three months later.'

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

He's Tasty!

"Since no family can come this year, I thought I'd invite you to dinner instead."

'Not only is your mojo not working, it apparently has been unemployed for years.'

"Finally - my dating app just launched a 'Why am I seeing this loser?' feature."