Living Alone Gifts

"I'd love to, but I have a million lonely ritualistic things I need to do."

"I feel icky...oh, so icky"

Thanksgiving 2020

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

'How animals mark their territory'

Culinary Breakthroughs During Social Distancing

Life is for the birds.

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

"Yes, I'm alone."

Still searching for my Prince Charming.

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"So that's where you were last night."

'Mr. Fitzburger, didn't we agree on a no-pets-in-the-apartment policy?!!'

Desert Planet

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

'On the contrary, soap operas are a great time-saver -- you don't have to get married and have your OWN problems.'

"I had guys chase my tail, then one day I thought, hey, dummy, get rid of the middlemen and chase your own tail!"

"Do you know what girls want?"

'Are you seeing anybody?'

"Being a refrigerator magnet is fine, but I wish, for just one day, I could be a chick magnet."

"Do you think solitude drives you insane?"

"Living underground is not what it used to be."

'Complements of the big smelly gentleman.'

'As a bachelor I have to wash my own clothes, clean my own room. The do it all again three months later.'

'We fed your application in, and the computer started leaking slime.'

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

"Is that what you're wearing?"

"Finally - my dating app just launched a 'Why am I seeing this loser?' feature."

Augmented reality check

'Not only is your mojo not working, it apparently has been unemployed for years.'

'Dear Dairy, Well... I met someone, and I think she could be Mrs. Alright.'

"My new boyfriend is free range!"

"Since no family can come this year, I thought I'd invite you to dinner instead."

He's Tasty!

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.