Live Performance Attendee Pillows

"They're not happy about it, but we made a scheduling error and the customers are expecting a drag brunch."

'Any more hecklers out there? No? OK. Hey, what's the deal with prison food?'

Zombie standup

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

Famous Jewish Blues Singer Series.

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

Theatre Crowd

Italica

'I think I see what's making your funny noise.'

"The last time I heard a beat like this I was at a Grateful Dead concert."

'I've got two tickets to Handel's Messiah -- What time do you get off work?'

"Free Bird!"

"We have a song, but neither of us can remember it."

"Tong!"

Johannes Sebastian Bach

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

Six jazz instruments.

"It's really important to me, as an artist, to make you feel like drinking more than usual so I get hired back."

"Thank you! That last tune took some fancy fingerpickin'. Apologies to those in the front who may have gotten a press - on nail or two in their drink."

"This next one's called 'Song for Me'."

Fuzz - Max has the taste of success.