Live Performance Lover Pillows

"I love the ephemeral nature of live theatre. Once a performance is over, you can never see it again."

Freddie Mercury

"Tong!"

"We heard you were dying in here."

'Why would I pay you when I can watch you for free on YouTube?'

The Baby in the Theatre

Boring Theatre

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

'Creepy.'

"Some agent you turned out to be."

'This one's for the cheap b*****d who just tipped me a quarter.'

"They're texting it in."

"I've been here three days and only just discovered I'm at the wrong convention."

Pianist teleconferencing with a singer.

Zombie standup

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

Famous Jewish Blues Singer Series.

Theatre Crowd

Senta jumps into the sea

Mikado

"Free Bird!"

"We have a song, but neither of us can remember it."

Plum jam...

"Thank you! That last tune took some fancy fingerpickin'. Apologies to those in the front who may have gotten a press - on nail or two in their drink."

"It's really important to me, as an artist, to make you feel like drinking more than usual so I get hired back."

"I've got those 'Don't worry about me, I'll just be here, all alone' blues."

Juggler and Illusionist

"Ah yes, I know this bit...it's from the advert!"

Interpretive napping

'Theaters from Hell' 'We have no sound engineers, so no there's not a good seat in the house.'

"Iggy Pop? More like Iggy Grandpop."

"This next song I wrote I won't sing due to political correctness."

"He's got a great future behind him!"

"When it comes to good, old-fashioned roots music, this guy is the BEST!"