Little Opportunist T-Shirts

'I follow my dad's stocks so I know when to ask for an allowance increase.'

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

'When will I be old enough to have my own people?'

Jeff's Smorgasbord

3 cents glass - Exact change please, seller can't count.

"Take the picture, dam it, take the picture!"

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

"Thanks again, kid!"

'We're going to take a financial risk.'

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

'He's soccer mad! Ever since he did his first sums he's wanted to be a players' agent.'

War on drugs... war on terror... war on lima beans.

"With the Suzuki method, they start them campaigning as early as three or four."

"The good news is, the children in the district have strong writing skills. The bad news is, we have sustained a letter-writing campaign from the third grade."

"Whoever said there ain't no such thing as a free lunch obviously has never circled around a highway."

It's time for a corporate shakeup. You squeeze, I'll stir.

Origins of the 'Beard Of Bees'.

'I quit the ice cream stand last year. Now I'm double dipping.'

"My reasons for asking for a raise are wholly unselfish. I wish to marry your daughter!"

"I don't really believe in the tooth fairy anymore, but if it pays, I play!"

"I have yet to turn a profit, but I have no trouble getting funding from my parents."

'I'm rather rich actually, maybe it's because I always laugh all the way to the bank...'

'We have something with terrific fringe benefits. No salary - just fringe benefits.'

"Papi, I'm writing my resume!"

'One day you'll be able to 'sack' a football manager.'

Dye now, pay later!

'When one trap door closes, another opens.'

"I trademarked my name, so now you'll need to pay me to use it."

"It's not the grant we expected, but it's better than a kick in the pants."

Instant winner trash can

'No. Why should I give you my autograph?. You'll only sell it on eBay!'

"I called them to ask for a raise!"

"I'm aware of that. Fortunately there are no child management laws."

I've organized us a double date with the twins from despatch. Cool! What are their names? Kylie and Troy.