Little Joke Stirrers Pillows

'Are you trying to tell me that you don't want to go to school?'

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"Microwave to replace gas or oil central heating?" "Yes. Think how cheap it is to microwave a cup of tea!"

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

'I love cutting trees in perfect circles because it drives aerial photography interpreters crazy.'

Candid Camera store.

'Maybe the batteries are dead.'

'What do you like about winter? I like these crisp, cold morning walks in the glistening snow.' 'I like how you can keep your extra beer outside.'

'Rock.' - 'Paper.' - 'Boris.'

"Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!"

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

Clown Wife

"Okay, you scared the babysitter...now get back in there and rinse off that toothpaste, and go to bed!"

'He said I have no cavities and that my breath knocked his socks off.'

'Meaning of life? You bet! Here, pull my finger.'

Extremely Practical Jokes.

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

Farmer chasing alien leaving crop circles.

'It was a great birthday party till Jeffrey tried to fart his candles out.'

'Many Happy Redundan... HA! RETURNS of the day, Mackay.'

'Bummer Dude! No waves. Moondoggie punked me!'

Dog traps the postman.

"Wait a minute, is that toad I taste? I told you I've gone vegan, Cynthia!"

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

'OK, who moved the photocopier?'

Boardroom cream pies.

'I tell them it's for a patient in the next room and they don't complain about their shot.'

People leave joke shop with false moustache, nose and glasses marketed as 'the Robert Winston'.

'Ok guys, here comes the first of the day...let the fun begin!'

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

"Okay, haha, very funny, you guys. Now toss down the ladder."

To the office...happy Easter, from Sid.