Listener To Unconventional Conversations T-Shirts

'You're not a very good listener, are you?'

Very Difficult Conversations

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

Protest

"So you're anthropomorphic too? It's a small world."

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

"I'm thinking 'woof-woof' but I'm saying 'arf-arf'."

Twice a year, Uncle Mort and Sadie Cohen have an official relationship talk. While this biannual conversation is scheduled by mutual consent under long-standing treaty, some participants engage grudgingly. Let's talk about our feelings. I don't feel like it. That's not a feeling, Snookums! Loophole!

Shell Pods

"I don't like the tone of your voice. Mind if I tweak it a bit?"

'Did you get through to the speaking clock, Dear?' 'Tick and tock and tick and tock and tick...'

'How do you get to Bingling Bros. circus?'

"My previous patient thought he was a cruise missile."

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

'Miss Kress, who on our staff is in charge of denials and uncomfortable realities.'

"I know I keep coming back to your obsession with styrofoam peanuts, but there's a lot to unpack there."

"Sometimes I get a craving for sushi."

Akron, oh, you're on Ask Sadie. What's your problem?! I'm thinking of not signing up for health insurance this year. Good idea. In my day, there was no such thing as health insurance. If you got sick, you paid for it with either money or chickens. That's if you were a lily-livered coward who just had to see a doctor. When great-great-grandmother Cohen had her sixth heart attack, she just applied a poultice made of chestnut leaves and flour and kept on plowing.

"Dad, where did I come from? The stork?"

'Hi, I'm Raoul...I shall be your talking point of the evening.'

'Why, yes, I am a Capricorn...how did you know?'

Wow, that's really a thing of beauty! Have you ever thought about being a uvula model?

"Isn't it great that even with our busy schedules we still make the time to just be together and talk about everything else we should bet getting done?"

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but actually 47% of 235 people covering 34%..."

'Healing was number one, but having people undress and then them paying me was my second reason for becoming a doctor.'

"I can't hear you but the banana can."

'I bought my peg - leg from a gypsy.'

"I really am young at heart: I got a 34 year old's in a transplant."

I brought a little ice breaker.'

"When you people start working eggs into the conversation, it's really code for something else,right?"

"Rudy, I went out on a date last night. It was a miserable failure." "Sorry." "As my employee, you've seen me day in and day out. You know me better than anyone." "Rudy, do I, your boss and sole source of income, have some personality flaw?" "Or did the fault lie entirely with my date?" "Feel free to speak candidly." "Mother."

"And I'm actually the one who puts the giblets back into the chickens..."

'No no, I'm fine. Just indulging in a little bit of mid-afternoon navel gazing.'

You look tired, Randy. Hot date last night? I had a date. That is correct. But was it hot? A gentleman doesn't tell whether a date was "hot" or not. No … but you usually do. Didn't you just patent "Randy's Hot-o-Meter," the hat that turns from white to pink to red, depending on the hotness of last night's date? Did you know the inventor of bacon was vegetarian? He was? Who knows? Point is, inventions are not a statement of principles.