Linguistic Stickler Gifts

"May I remind the faculty that, in the event of a nuclear strike, atom bombs take a gender-neutral pronoun."

"Ahhh....I think that was a flying fuck."

"You have no idea what it's like to be a 'just between you and me' person in a 'just between you and I' world."

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

"The state of graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my colleegs agrree that there maths isn't much better."

'Where's my glove?'

'Thank god for the spellchecker!'

The Oxford Comma Coin

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

'I'll try to keep my remarks brief.'

I have a new linguistic pet peeve. It's when, instead of just saying something like, "Bob ate a sandwich," people say, "Bob, he ate a sandwich." It drives me absolutely crazy. Speaking as a psychiatrist, that's a short drive, Al.

The crew can no longer tolerate Captain Bligh's ruthless splitting of infinitives."

'Will you stick to the script!!!'

Department of Education - No smoaking.

'The beer's not cloudy, the glass is dirty.'

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

Wordplay: Mandate - Escort Agency.

Cowboy in Old West boasts of having shot a guy for ending a sentence in a preposition.

Monk painting a spelling mistake.

"Are you aware that in your submission you misspelled 'deer editer'?"

"I don't get it. I'm playing a legendary jazz musician and the director keeps telling me to stick to the script and stop improvising."

"Whoes jumping? My secretary enforces a strict 'No Smoking' policy"

Ventriloquist's fete

Rare footage of a leopard changing spots.

How to write

'I'm fist-bumping all of my patients now, because it spreads fewer germs than a handshake.'

'It's your S.O.S. note returned with spelling corrections on it.'

You've got to stop getting all your history from Youtube and Netflix. Why? Because those are videos. People who make videos are making entertainment. It it's entertaining that means someone's constructed story. If it's a story, that means they left out or twisted whatever doesn't logically fit their narrative as told from one point of view. Accurate history would be completely illogical. Oliver Stone would disagree.

"Hold on there buddy, that's not a KJV Bible." (two men talking, one with a Bible)

"I appreciate you keeping up with the vernacular of the times, but please refrain from referring to the billion-dollar restructuring as 'The Dealio'."

'My son is away at college majoring in communication. When he sends me an email message, I have to run it through the spell checker before it makes sense to me.'

'First of all, your sign is misspelled!'

'What do you call an eskimo's house which has no toilet?'

'Watch this - I told him the correct pronunciation of Pinot Noir is peanut noyer.'