Linguistic Stickler Gifts

"May I remind the faculty that, in the event of a nuclear strike, atom bombs take a gender-neutral pronoun."

"Ahhh....I think that was a flying fuck."

"You have no idea what it's like to be a 'just between you and me' person in a 'just between you and I' world."

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"The state of graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my colleegs agrree that there maths isn't much better."

'Where's my glove?'

'Thank god for the spellchecker!'

The Oxford Comma Coin

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

The crew can no longer tolerate Captain Bligh's ruthless splitting of infinitives."

'Will you stick to the script!!!'

'The beer's not cloudy, the glass is dirty.'

Department of Education - No smoaking.

Wordplay: Mandate - Escort Agency.

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

Cowboy in Old West boasts of having shot a guy for ending a sentence in a preposition.

Monk painting a spelling mistake.

"Are you aware that in your submission you misspelled 'deer editer'?"

"I don't get it. I'm playing a legendary jazz musician and the director keeps telling me to stick to the script and stop improvising."

Ventriloquist's fete

"Whoes jumping? My secretary enforces a strict 'No Smoking' policy"

How to write

Rare footage of a leopard changing spots.

'I'm fist-bumping all of my patients now, because it spreads fewer germs than a handshake.'

'It's your S.O.S. note returned with spelling corrections on it.'

"Hold on there buddy, that's not a KJV Bible." (two men talking, one with a Bible)

'First of all, your sign is misspelled!'

'My son is away at college majoring in communication. When he sends me an email message, I have to run it through the spell checker before it makes sense to me.'

'I see that you have crossed you t's and opened you e's. That's always a good sign.'

'Watch this - I told him the correct pronunciation of Pinot Noir is peanut noyer.'

'What do you call an eskimo's house which has no toilet?'