Linguistic Lover Gifts

Harmon Silas, calculating the thousand words his picture is worth, wonders what do do with contractions.

Street signs say: 'Yield, Acquiesce, Succumb'

'He's not the likes of us, Bert - he says 'whoM' with an M.'

"Yes, I think I have a window in my diary."

'Texn!' ('anagram compiler wanted')

"And remember–no more subjunctives where the correct mood is indicative."

French Accountants

Belgium Battle.

'And we've now come to the moment when you both will exchange your vowels.'

'Sure you Brits have 'irony', but we Americans have 'duh!''

'I'm writing an essay on 'the perfectability of man.''

'Stop using the expression, 'if memory serves', Haskins.'

'It's too late to copyright 'Have a nice day.''

"Papi, I don't like being a smart aleck. I think it hurts people's feelings."

When English Majors have relationship problems.

Igor Beaver

Wordplay: Graffiti.

"No, sweetie. Mommy doesn't buy food that's misspelled."

"Make up you mind - do you love me completely or love me to bits?"

"How do you kill laughter?"

'We've got 90 words for snow - and 943 words for sex.'

'Oh dear - it's getting very acronymious.'

"Not that kind of hare, Rapunzel!"

It was a match made in heaven.

'Well, Well, no vowels!'

Wordplay: Bisection.

'Her bruxism resulted in a ferine bricole.'

Anagram Cafe

Country & High Brow.

The Sole of Discretion.

"When are people going to stop speaking every sentence like it's a question?"

I think you'll find that I'm easily encouraged. For instance, the fact that the two exclamation points above your head are tempered by one question mark gives me great hope. !?!

Here he comes again …switch places.

"Get Well" Cards. I'd likr a "Get Well" card for an English teacher. Do you have one that cajoles in the indicative rather than commands in the imperative?

Frank and Ernest Updated Fairy Tales. Do you mean fair like "pretty" or fair like "evenhanded"?