Lighthearted Soul Pillows

Judge, ruling on mime: 'Guilty of wasting your life. Case dismissed.'

'He won't eat his lettuce until I've washed it five times. I'm sure his OCD is getting worse!'

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

Well, my husband always said he want4d to come back as a bird.

"On second thoughts, I'll have it stirred, not shaken."

'I hate to waste your time, Doctor, but I've forgotten what I came to see you about!'

"My approach to life is to bark twice, wag my tail, and hope for the best."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"This stool shall pass."

Get crazy once in a while

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

"You're new here ... it's customary on dismal Monday mornings to be miserable."

Laughing Zone Ahead

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

Push for Disco...

The most fabulous Gran in the world.

Message in a bottle being read by a fish

Frizzbee statue.

You know, the snowballs we get in the summer are better. They're flavored!

"...Wow, if Malcolm Gladwell is right, we need to get a cat who's a Virgo ASAP!"

"Of course I'm bored - my batteries are flat!"

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"You're suffering from extreme laziness."

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

'My girl friend wants me to put my inner child back inside where he belongs.'

'Can't you be happy without forever whistling?'

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies.'

Shoe repair

Shall I be mother?

'Yes, John's here, but he can't come to the phone at the moment. He's had a hard day so he's taking some time in his bouncy saucer.'

Bunny Pranks

"Ladies, you know the rule about joyriding."

Attention Span Man

'Now while you're cranking the Jack in the Box Tommy, I want you to tell me your thoughts.'