Lighthearted Lunch Conversationalist T-Shirts

"C'mon man. It's not a BLT without bacon."

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

PSA Banter.

'I used to think I was the only one kids hated... I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you guys.'

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

Time for tea and friendship.

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

Crow and fox

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

Jokes machine.

The Algonquin Round Table

"Sucker!" / "Stirrer!"

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

Bat out of Hell

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

"So, what is your star sign?"

"Patience, you can have it back in a minute..."

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

"Hi Mike, how's the Leprosy research going?"

Quizzo tonight! Win a tee shirt! Trivia is my middle name, but I have all the tee shirts I need. So, tell me something: Are there Quizzo groupies?

Children Demand Parental Term Limits.

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

"Try the fish. It's brain food"

'My favorite position? Chairperson of the Board.'

"I don't think you can claim that Martin Amis plaguerised your work just because you both used the words 'to','if' and 'but' on page 46."

"I'm using my married name right now, but I'm keeping my maiden name on ice, just in case."

Lite Marriage.

I don't get why ladies find you so charming, and me so boring. Simple projection. Believe she finds you charming because you're wittier and more mysterious than she is. She'll sense you're a challenge. Suddenly she'll make anything you say conform to that assumption. So I just Jedi mind-trick them? Maybe not ANYthing.

"I can't live without you in my life, but I can live without you in my way.''