Lighthearted Home Decor Lover Pillows

"Rule number 1 when handling sex toys: Never Use Helium in Inflatable Sex Dolls."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

'MY husband made the coffee table out of an old door.'

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

Generic Store: Sign in Window

Some unusual family photographs decorate podiatrist's desk.

'I'm not sure which I like best - the fake fire or the fake man with brandy glass in front of it.'

Bathroom Fairy

'Welcome to the house warming! The map points out what is furniture and what is sculpture.'

His & hers towels.

"Well, your feng shui isn't my feng shui."

In case of funky emergency, break glass

"I went with weirdness over quantity this year."

"Hedge-fund managers have to have something over their sofas, too."

'Ooh, hey...real hardwood floors!'

'Magnolia, Michaelangelo, the ceiling was meant to be magnolia!'

"We want it to look lived in, but not necessarily by us."

'Derek was extremely pleased with his new piano stool...'

"You like it? It’s from the MoMA Store!"

"That Feng Shui class I took is paying off!"

"Hey, take me home with you! Position me at a slight angle next to the elegant glass soap dispenser in the guest bathroom. It'll look great, you'll see!"

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

"Okay, lady, your new carpet is installed...you can let your dog back in now."

"The board is going to have to talk to 5-G again."

Mid-century Father

Pea green

Woman crushed under satin sheets.

'I love what you've not done with the place.'

"Hmmm. Not sure it will go with my wife."

"That's still too high"

'I should never have let you pick the taps!'

'I've organised the bathroom.'

"I tidied away all the cushions and stuffed toy animals. It appears we never had a bed."