Light-hearted Therapist Gifts

'I'm working through some anger issues.'

Licensed Therapist

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Postwar is hell."

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

Couples' therapy

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"I sometimes think you're the only one who listens to me."

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

'We have three minutes left.'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Shrinks in heaven

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.

"My brother thinks he's a chicken... He's crazy."

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

"You need to stop bottling it up."

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

'On the plus side, I give my thanks this Thanksgiving that I'm not a turkey. On the minus side...'

"First, we'll look for repressed memories of malpractice suits."

"Has it ever occurred to you just to say, 'Hey, I quit. I don't want to be a part of the food chain anymore'?"

'It's just like any other doll except this one needs hours of therapy to work normally.'

"Dr. Stolner says it might be nice if I let you see my dark side."

"Who is 'coming around the mountain,' John? Could it be your mother?"

"Uh-oh it's happening aain, the feeling I'm being triggered...."

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."