Light-hearted Believer Pillows

"Hello there. I'm the bluebird of Orthodox Judaism. What do you say you get up, you put on t'fillin and you daven this morning?"

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"This stool shall pass."

Get crazy once in a while

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

Stand-up comic/ceo: 'A funny thing happened on the way to the board meeting...'

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

"FREEDOM!!!"

"This may seem counter intuitive, but maybe the solution is to lighten up."

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

Preachers with far too much input

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

"Grab a lollypop on your way out."

'I'm looking for something not too heavy.'

'Does that mean my reflexes are GOOD then, doctor?'

'Yes, Judy...looks like we're putting a good face on the impending bad weather.'

Why as a general rule Pastors are not allowed to help on building work days.

'... and do you, Linda, promise to look up the word 'fellatio' in the dictionary?'

'I'm not applauding your lovemaking, I'm trying to turn off the lights.'

'Hey! Those things aren't toys, you know.'

"Your prayers may be recorded for quality and training purposes and will be answered by the next available deity."

Did you know that 3 to 4 glasses of wine a day can reduce your risk of giving a s**t. . . but you'll pee a lot more.

Golf ball escaping.

"Your performance review will be done with the help of a co-host to lighten the mood a little."

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obediance School instead...'

God says no to praying woman.

"Don't eat so fast"

"Wrong hole!"

'I wasn't walking, officer. I was jogging.'

'When I get the clumsies, switch me to a sippy-cup.'

"John, how are you gonna Baptize me when you throw like a girl?"

Man on desert island asks for a lighter rather than a rescue.

Bus stop and reader

Planck's Constant Nagging.