Light-hearted Accountants Pillows

"We try to inject a little humor in our statements, but you should take them seriously."

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

'This graph may need some explaining...'

Updated Fairy Tales. Having all of them around sure sweetened my stimulus check!

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

'And this is the computer that sends out our final demands.'

'Are you the genius who came up with the 'Alternative Payment' program?'

"Worst budget cuts ever!"

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

Overdraft limit.

I am billing, therefore I am.

'I guess you could say we're a 'faith-based' company. Everyone worships the dollar around here.'

"Good God! Has the dollar fallen that far?"

'We're in good shape. Nobody understands our financial statement.'

Loose change fund: 'You get to keep whatever you can grab with one hand.'

"I only have two apps on my phone. One makes me spend all my money and the other gives me embezzling tips."

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

"Hmmm....not bad. What about liquid assets?"

"You never saw a tax haven. Now look into this light.

'I'm here about the tax credits for business equipment which you listed in your return as 'Betty', 'Mabel', 'Liz'...'

Toys - Business Model.

"Will you two stop giggling every time I say 'assets'?"

'I realize I'm making a huge salary... but I gotta be me.'

'I'm an economist, but I try not to take myself too seriously.'

"Glad to see you Hotchkins... Abernathy must have been the company embezzler!"

Is there a reason I'm going into the red? Reason? Am I being penalized? Have I done something wrong? Maybe it's like A Wonderful Life. Your greed is catching up to you. You're experiencing bad karma. So I need to raise my prices?

'Generally, cost-cutting is a good thing. Specifically, too much of a good thing.'

'I see accounting forgot to pay the gravity bill again.'

Man about man: 'John here sells mutual funds and worry beads.'

Rhinestone Accountant

'Fortunately, our decline was slowed here when the marker ran dry.'