Light Eater T-Shirts

"No. I'm not on a diet. I said 'I'm eating light.'"

'Congratulations on your 100% plant-based diet. I'm referring you to a botanist.'

'I'm worried about him, he eats his vegetables, but not his dessert!'

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

'You want a quick read? How about this one: 'Memoirs of an Amnesic'?'

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

"I believe I'll skip the appetizer. I ate the flowers."

'It's supposed to look and smell greasy.'

"Oh, sorry, I wasn't flirting with you – I was checking my phone."

Peas on Earth.

Moths fly to Blackpool for illuminations: 'I'm telling you, you're gonna love it.'

"It's this time of day when I feel most lengthened."

Lessons from the Blakely Art School (Now Defunct)

"Your moon is in the House of Pancakes."

The Critic...

"Why is this cart so heavy?"

Overzealous health inspectors.

Eat 'n' Pay 'n' Get Out Restaurant

"Your new book, 'Help - My Head's Caught in a Pipe,' has been called by some to be semi-autobiographical. Can you comment on these rumors?"

"This room is always bathed in the most beautiful sunlight. Except at night of course."

'Did anyone ever tell you that you look lovely under the glow of these energy saver lights?'

"I can't wait to put them on."

"I gave up on finding Mr. Right and settled for Mr. Chocolate!"

The Best of Times/The Worst of Times

'Is it me or do these new led street lights wash out the reds and yellows?'

"The crab Florentine is excellent, but the rack of lamb has limited downside risk.''

'What did you say? 'The light is nothing but an ordinary streetlamp'? Oh no! My own son is an atheist??!'

The White Whale Mounted On The Wall

The turning on the lights ceremony

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

'Look at how the simple little creatures are attracted to the light!'

'You seemed keen enough yesterday when I suggested an evening of soft lights and sweet music!'