Lifestyle Revamper Gifts

No. 83 In A Series OF Extraordinary Unlikely Events.

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

'I'm working because I've been upgraded. He never upgraded so he's out of work.'

"If he didn't live each day like it was his last, he would have lived another 40 years."

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

"You won’t need refills."

Laid off from a dot-com? Ask about our resume-writing software.

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

"This area is popular with would-be actresses and models,we call it 'Silicon Implants'."

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

GPs to be encouraged to offer advice on 'lifestyle' issues

"I've got some skills - I'm just not sure they add up to a 'set.'"

'I'll stop saying you've changed jobs too many times if you'll stop giving me notice.'

'If I never get my 15 minutes of fame, I at least want a giant cutout face of myself.'

"I am still vegan, I am just having a cheat day."

'I know dieting requires a change of lifestyle, Helen, but this is ridiculous!'

"I am exercising. I'm doing some online walking around an online mall."

'I recently became a veggie.'

"The long and the short of it, doctor, is that I'm ready to change from a soccer mom to a Nascar dad."

"I tried change, it didn't work."

'Too acidic? On the contrary, I find it well balanced.'

"A messenger from the West Side, Your Highness."

The King's New Robes.

"I lost 5 pounds and you didn't even notice!"

'He glued himself to the floor again.'

'It's an electronic pipe and heated slippers...he's a thoroughly modern old fart.'

The Secret Service gets a new look.