Lifestyle Reformer Gifts

"Phil suddenly decided to give up everything that was bad for him-no more smoking, drinking, or junk food-and he feels absolutely terrific!"

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

'Fetching newspapers is over. Now I aggregate blogs for him.'

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

"You won’t need refills."

Perfection

GPs to be encouraged to offer advice on 'lifestyle' issues

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

'Cut back on the women and song. You can still have the wine though.'

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

Wife asking husband what resolutions he is going to make for the new century

'I know dieting requires a change of lifestyle, Helen, but this is ridiculous!'

"Your results show you have the body of a young man, unfortunately it's an very obese young man with chronic health problems."

There, but for the grace of God, go I.

List of things to do today. Make list of things to do tomorrow.

'Well, if you don't smoke or drink, stop chewing gum!'

"Obesity is neither contagious or genetic, and yet, it is passed on, from parents to children."

'I recently became a veggie.'

"I tried change, it didn't work."

"The long and the short of it, doctor, is that I'm ready to change from a soccer mom to a Nascar dad."

'That's way too irregular. I recommend regular exercise.'

Hazard of texting

Intentional Community vs. Community of Sheer Happenstance

Who Asked You?

"I finally broke Joe of his excessive nose picking."

'The royalties from Muffin's internet videos were really good last month!'

'What happened to you?'