Lifestyle Questioner Gifts

'I need my lifestyle validated.'

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

Junk art/ food/ tv/ music/ amusements/ novels/ views/ life.

"You are still here."

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

Perfection

"If he didn't live each day like it was his last, he would have lived another 40 years."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

Goodnight Social Media.

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

I can't believe I ate all that kale for nothing.

'Cut back on the women and song. You can still have the wine though.'

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

"Your results show you have the body of a young man, unfortunately it's an very obese young man with chronic health problems."

'Dad, tell me again what life's about.'

Renaissance Zone

"What's it all about?"

'Well, if you don't smoke or drink, stop chewing gum!'

"Obesity is neither contagious or genetic, and yet, it is passed on, from parents to children."

On a mountain top a sign says - Out to lunch back a week from Tuesday.

'The meaning of life? -- You CAN take a joke, can't you?'

'Too acidic? On the contrary, I find it well balanced.'

'That's way too irregular. I recommend regular exercise.'

Man sees vending machine for 'Satisfaction' with an 'Out of Order' sign.

T-Shirts. Just do it. Just watch it.

"I lost 5 pounds and you didn't even notice!"

'I'm very active. I'm always jumping to conclusions, stretching the truth, skipping lunch, and jogging my memory. With all that jumping, stretching, skipping and jogging, I still can't lose weight.'

'12 varieties of pizza does NOT constitute a 'varied diet'.'

"In my day we had trimphones."