Lifestyle Marketer T-Shirts

"Remember, you're selling home appliances, so look more ... dishwashery."

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

What say we rough it today and go without ice in our drinks!

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

Low-Energy Drinks

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

Cat in a flap

Meanwhile in Hollywood

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

"Your blood sugar levels are off the chart! Just how many Hallmark Christmas movies did you watch?"

Trust

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

"Death coach..."

'Home is where I hang my bat.'

"I know R&D feels that the product warrants at least two 'really'."

"I live for the moment. That moment just happens to be in the indefinite future."

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

'You see, you don't really need a cigarette to wake up in the morning.'

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

"Gucci Firenze 1921"

"Bob choked on a spoon of caviar while he was on skiing vacation in St. Moritz."

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

A potter paints a barcode on a pot.

'... So I said to Dave; 'You're not going to wear that baggy old thing are you?' But, he decided to come nude anyway.'

Macho Vegetarian

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

'Thanks to a little genetec engineering, we can merchandise these fish right on the farm.'

Does it spark joy?

Sugar Fix.