Lifestyle Advisor T-Shirts

'Well, if you don't smoke or drink, stop chewing gum!'

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

What say we rough it today and go without ice in our drinks!

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

Making healthy substitutions at mealtime

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

"Death coach..."

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

Macho Vegetarian

Perfection

"If he didn't live each day like it was his last, he would have lived another 40 years."

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

Does it spark joy?

Investment Guru/Lifestyle Guru/Tech Guru/Fashion Guru

I can't believe I ate all that kale for nothing.

'Cut back on the women and song. You can still have the wine though.'

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

"Your results show you have the body of a young man, unfortunately it's an very obese young man with chronic health problems."

Renaissance Zone

There, but for the grace of God, go I.

'I need my lifestyle validated.'

"Obesity is neither contagious or genetic, and yet, it is passed on, from parents to children."

'You want to become a vegan?... Well okay, but you do realise there'll be nothing lower than you on the food chain?'

'Too acidic? On the contrary, I find it well balanced.'

'That's way too irregular. I recommend regular exercise.'

Hazard of texting

T-Shirts. Just do it. Just watch it.

Intentional Community vs. Community of Sheer Happenstance

"I lost 5 pounds and you didn't even notice!"

'12 varieties of pizza does NOT constitute a 'varied diet'.'

"I've decided to let you work from home, as long as you move in here and pay me rent."

"Say, Flo, did you make an appointment with a lifestyle counselor?"