Contemporary Lifestyle Analyst T-Shirts

"I hope this isn't meant to be a criticism of our current life style."

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

Crap from the future.

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

Proud of herself for "never owning a tv" Emily watches eight episodes of a mediocre tv show on her laptop while in bed.

"I shop, therefore I am."

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"You are still here."

'Fetching newspapers is over. Now I aggregate blogs for him.'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

Modern Life Blues

'Mom, can you tell me about the days before Pilates and Latte's?'

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

"If he didn't live each day like it was his last, he would have lived another 40 years."

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

'I've been watching TV all my life. I was born cable ready.'

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

Goodnight Social Media.

"Photo safaris are not what they used to be: They seem more interested in taking selfies than photos of us these days..."

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

"Very funny."

'Well, if you don't smoke or drink, stop chewing gum!'

Man looking at a vending machine with a hand sticking out of it and a sign that reads "Put'er there buddy".

There, but for the grace of God, go I.

Two ATMs sit side by side; one is labeled "Cash" while the other is labeled "Power".

Renaissance Zone

"He looks so natural."

'Too acidic? On the contrary, I find it well balanced.'

'I always thought Facebook was the perfect roommate...Until the rent came due.'

Girl reads a book called Speed Texting For Everyday Use

"I am exercising. I'm doing some online walking around an online mall."

"Luckily, our retirement funds are entirely in double lattes."

Hazard of texting

"I'm still thirsty. Maybe I've got leaky gut syndrome."