Lifelong Singleton Pillows

'The eternal bachelor'

Just married and Just Single and Happy.

'He lived and died for golf.'

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

"Keep an eye on Old Bound Volume of Harpers. He's on the make."

Susie's single status had spread to her socks.

'She saw right through me.'

"Isn't that false advertising?"

"I hope I'm single for Valentine's because only I fully know my worth in chocolate."

And that's why I'm still single!

'Sigh - Yes, I will probably be dying alone.'

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.

"We've been married so long you not only finish my sentences you start 'em too."

'The poor thing -- her therapist recommended divorce, and she isn't even married.'

"Lucky!"

Bachelor Cake

Boyfriend Shirt.

"I almost had a 'I need a man' moment last night....but then I managed to get the cork out of the wine bottle myself."

Sex is for Procreation Only.

ACME COMPUTER DATING SERVICE, 'She should be attractive, intelligenty, charming, and funny, or best offer.

It's Saturday night. You're watching the Dateless Channel.

Why so sad? All my friends are divorced and I'm not even married!

"You've never been in a committed relationship. And you have the nerve to call me feral?"

Bob's longest relationship had been with his therapist.

"The meaning of life is demonstrated by the futility of your fool's journey."

"It's a small country with an acute shortage of babes."

Valentine Gift think tank for single men who never get married

Lovematch Dating . . . Please wait here.

I've decided it's time for me to start dating again. Again? I've known you for twelve years, and I've never seen you date. I've been focused on work to the exclusion of all else. I have no hobbies, no friends, no interests at all that are unrelated to by business. Lately that's started to take a toll on me, Rudy. I've become sullen. Depressed. Lonely. Bitter. Morose. My customers have begun to notice, and I worry my bad mood will drive them away. So ... you want to focus less on business because

'I've been through all the men on the dating sites ... I need to see your male mug book.'

"I've been separated a few times"