Lifelong Partner Seeker T-Shirts

Marriage Bureau: 'I hope you're not just window shopping.'

A crowd of happy pet owners.

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

"Ooooooh, just what I wanted!"

Reading the sports pages.

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

'Silly thing, of course I still find you repulsive.'

Take You Home

"Yes, you've taught me a thing or two - but over twenty-plus years that's not much."

"Will you still love me when I'm old and past it?"

"We should never have committed binary fission!"

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

'That was a great movie! Want to watch another video, dear?'

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

"I hunt, she gathers, but we always get together for cocktails at five."

"Martin, did we ever get our freak on?"

"Of course you don't look anything like your reflection in the mirror."

"We've been married 32 years. How can you possibly still be in beta?"

'I feel like I just don't know you anymore, Richard!'

Google Translate for Marriagese

Dead Silence: a restaurant for married people

'...And preferably someone with a blood donor card.'

"We met online, it was love at first site."

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

'See, I told you my dad would like you.'

"Synchronized sitting"

"Have you noticed how blatant sex is everywhere in the culture but here?"