Life Transition Expert Gifts

"Stan used to be a motivational speaker but then the kids finally moved out."

'I have this fear of the real world...'

The fate of the emigrant

'For your information, I am engaging the energy of change and complexity to create the future I desire.'

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

'Dude, touring with a punk rock band was fun, but what I'd really like to do is be CEO of a fortune 500 company.'

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

A new career for George W. Bush: taster in a pretzel factory.

'Chicken soup for dummies who don't sweat the small stuff.'

'Our goal is for you to successfully transition to your new job before retirement age.'

"It's a coming-of-middle-age story."

"Trust me, you don't want this job."

"Hon, I'm taking your advice and starting a new chapter."

'I'm excited about my new job. I know I have some small shoes to fill.'

Doubt or Certainy

'The bad news, Pomeroy, is tht we're giving your job to your secretary -- the good news is that she wants you to stay on as her secretary!'

"Have a nice day harvesting data, honey."

'So push has come to shove...'

"There - is outplacement a challenge or what?"

Women

PastFuture.

'Why did you leave your last job?' 'You would too, if they sold your desk and changed all the locks!'

'Meet Charles, the office 'old-timer'. He's been hangin' around stock tickers, water coolers, copy machines, and now laser printers for 40 years!'

"To tell you the truth, I never thought downward mobility would be so, well, downward."

"Hello, I'm the bluebird of quiet resignation."

"Just be happy you're getting in, worry about your hair later."

'Instead of firing me, he could have tolerated mediocrity a little longer.'

'As a matter of fact, I can offer you another career option.'

"I had it all figured out. Sleep late, watch TV, play all day...then kindergarten happened."

'I'm sorry, but we're letting all of you go. Your jobs have been outsourced to India.'

"Yesterday we're caterpillars, today this. Can't wait to see what's next."