Life Strategist T-Shirts

'Wow! I never thought it would actually WORK!'

'It's not who you know or what you know that helps you succeed. It's what you know about who you know, that you can hold over their head, that will help you succeed.'

"Remember, a journey of a thousand miles begins with either two squares forward and one to the side, or two squares to the side and one forward."

"Opportunity doesn't knock. Usually it enters quietly, looks around for acknowledgement, and silently departs."

"I raised three kids, so you could say I was in risk management."

On the highway of life, I'm always in a double-fine zone.

Highway of Life. Watch out for falling expectations.

Knew the score but played wrong game.

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

Do you have any other skills?

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

'And finally. . . where do you see yourself on the food chain 5 years from now?'

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

'I'm afraid you've failed the Turing test.'

'Thanks for the promotion offer but I was hoping to sleep my way to the top..'

'You keep outliving your old-age retirement savings!'

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

Mountain Tops Incorporated

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

"The itsy-bitsy spider went up the corporate ladder. And he didn't care how many lives he ruined along the way. I know, this isn't the book Simon & Schuster wants. But it's the damn truth."

"Yes, I'm sure you do deserve further career advancement. But if I promote you again you'll have my job!"

"And this right here was our weekend in the Hamptons."

"Remember when everyone told you this job would lead you nowhere? Well, you've arrived!"

The Plinth Wedding Planner Co.

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

'I'm looking for a job that satisfies my lust for power.'

"Where do you see yourself five lives from now?"

"The secret is to ask yourself: what would someone who's successful do?"

"Your father would be able to afford to send you to a good college if only he had listened to me when he was your age!"

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

Others' perceptions (which aren't always true)