Life Extension Enthusiast Gifts

'Normally, I'd give a man in your condition six months to live, but we have a special this week on eight months!'

Reach for the Star.

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

Become a Cosmetic Surgeon - Raise a Few Eyebrows!

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

Book of Life, Answers in Back.

'I wish I were your age again, and knew what I know now.'

My philosophy ... If you can't beat 'em, outlive 'em.

Yoga Beginners Class. Breathe and stretch. That's Good. URGH! OOOF! "Yoga pants" should be something you wear and not something that happens because you can't catch your breath!

Highway of Life. Bump. Bump. Bump. Bump. Bump.

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

'Life is a precious thing, but simply breathing and existing isn't living...the end is inevitable for everything...I'm afraid that time has come for you, dear. I have to pull the plug...'

SWOTs

'Hmmphhhh ... High on Life. Now that's something the government ought to regulate.'

That's Seven in Human Years

"He's one hundred and five years old and I think it's disgusting!"

"That's Ms Pitt. She's been entrenched on high alert at the front desk for 42 years."

'I'm old, bald and fat, but at least I'm not boring!'

"Well, it's funny, Sid. Every time I've got onr foot in the grave, something interesting happens, so I pull it back out again!"

Did You Know That...Scientists in Illinois, USA, claim we would live a longer life if we were more like elves?

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"

"Look at it this way - the more birthdays you have, the longer you live!"

"To tell you the truth, I never thought downward mobility would be so, well, downward."

Life is about the chase, not the ball. Now go get it!

Wrong end of extension cord.

'Well, I retired at 55: 75 years ago as of last June...'

"Mrs. Walsh? Oh, good ... you’re still alive."

'Life is too long not to worry.'

"I never thought you'd live to be 90 either. By the way, you're only 67."