Life Choice Explorer Pillows

'Mom, Dad, I've decided to skip my senior year of college and jump directly into chronic unemployment.'

"Call me?"

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"Did you get my tweet?"

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

YOLO vs YODO

A baseball player is too busy checking his smartphone to catch a ball.

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

Book of Life, Answers in Back.

'I wish I were your age again, and knew what I know now.'

"If he didn't live each day like it was his last, he would have lived another 40 years."

Highway of Life. Bump. Bump. Bump. Bump. Bump.

"Great, now we're lost."

'Am I on your good Facebook friend list, or on your bad Facebook friend list?'

Truthfully, I'm just a frustrated insurance agent …

"...as the devices were nestled on their chargers with care,..."

"If you're ever granted three wishes, don't blow them all on a giant body with tiny arms legs."

"I didn't hear the full story, but you came from either the stork or ebay."

"Some days I really wish I had finished med school. Not that I ever started med school."

Danger Quicksand

Are we going to raise her as a cat person or a dog person?

"To tell you the truth, I never thought downward mobility would be so, well, downward."

People crossing the street while texting use white canes.

"I love talking to you about my problems. We should do a podcast."

Seven males, ranging in age from a baby to an old man, wait in a line monitored by a uniformed guard.

'Oversensitive Car Alarm'

'This isn't any comparison to my going through menopause!'

"Excuse me, can you tell me where I might find the colostrum?"

How?

'Too acidic? On the contrary, I find it well balanced.'

'Instead of a baby sister, Dear, Daddy and I will give you your choice between kitten or puppy.'

"Do you think he's taking this security blanket thing a bit too seriously?"

'Please tell me there's more to this than this.'

"The latest version of your life is now available to download."

Essential Oils/Forbidden Fruit.