Library Science Gifts

Monosyllabic Crisis Center

The Dorrie Decimal System

'What's the point of shelving books, they just check them out again anyway!'

"It appears the outreach program is working!"

"That book is kept downstairs in the Big Secret Important Book Room."

Egyptology Books form Pyramid

"Why did you tell him you're a librarian? It's embarrassing to have him give YOU money!"

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Copycats

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Big Bang Theory.

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Meet The Author"

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

"I don't care about the rating on Goodreads. We're reading Cinderella!"

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

The Bookworm

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

"Meet the scribe"