Library Laughter Gifts

'Hey! I just started my James Patterson novel and I'm on chapter 97!' 'You read 20 pages already?'

Do it yourself books.

"Boss is coming! Discover something!"

'Can't you give the dummy mouth to mouth without getting romantically involved Mrs Wilks?'

'Does it matter what answer I put down? After all, this is Liberal Arts.'

"Lost most of my sight, hearing, teeth and hair. Thank God I still god my driver license."

"Say, do you have time between all that DNA research to invent a non-smelly sock."

'My battery is dead. How does it end?'

Building Books.

'If you must laugh, will you do it in the humour section please?'

Two books from the crime passionel section in a library having sex

'We take late returns very seriously at this library Mr Wilson!'

"Personally, there's nothing I like better than to curl up in bed with a bad woman."

"My handicap is the water, trees, windows, the highway..."

Construction workers building a library are all saying, 'shhh, shhh' to each other.

'Don't worry about it, Son — Kleptomania runs in the family.'

Librarian of Congress

Hospital patient using his thermometer on the remote control.

Hard to Reach Books.

'I don't want to read 'Great Books'. Too much pressure.'

'Sorry I'm overdue but I've been in hospital!'

'Here's your license!'

'I need a statement that I've been here for the past 15 minutes and read David Hume's An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding.'

Feet Direction Don't Match

Powerful bookends.

"Looks like the copier's broken down again."

We've never really had use for a Fashion section

"Fred's conversational level speaks volumes. When he's losing an argument, he raises the volume."

'What's the point of shelving books, they just check them out again anyway!'

'If it weren't so quiet in here, you couldn't hear the noise I'm making.'

Librarians and the Karma Sutra

"Information on alligators!?"

"Stupid exercise video got jammed in my machine"